2001-Sat Mar 24 21:38:02 EDT 2018
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My friend Nancy has a personal trainer she says is amazing. His name is Martin, he’s 30 years old and has a degree in sports medicine. “You should totally give him a call,” Nancy told me recently. “He’ll give you a great workout and he only costs $100 per session.”
“No, thanks,” I replied. “I already have three live-in trainers who keep me in great shape. And they only cost me a bowl of kibble each per session.”
I admit my fitness gurus don’t have degrees or professional certifications, but my cats Lola and Virgil, and my new puppy Teddy certainly keep me moving. Sure, the nonstop furfest in my house is kind of crazy-making, but keeping up with my pets has my heart pumping like a pro athlete’s all day long.
My workouts usually begin at 6 a.m., when I take Teddy outside to potty. Since we’re still house training him to not pee indoors, each little outdoor tinkle is met by me jumping up and down like an insane cheerleader to let him know he’s on the right track.
Then comes even more cardio as I chase him around the yard with a poop bag while he searches for the perfect place to do a number two. I’d bet you 10 bucks Nancy doesn’t do that with her trainer Martin. (And if she does, OMG, what is wrong with him?)
After our potty time — which is repeated at least every hour, thank you very much tiny, Poodle bladder — I get even more heart-pounding activity when Lola the cat repeatedly tries to swat Teddy with her paws, sparking a fun chasing game. They frantically race through the house with me in hot pursuit yelling, “Please don’t scratch the wood floors! Oops! Watch out for that vase!” Once you add in the occasional standing high jump to prevent crazed fur balls from slamming into my shins, you’ll know why I have been slimming down lately. (And why I’m tempted to wear my son’s football pads around the house.)
All that is just what happens before 6:30 a.m. Here are other fitness exercises my pets provide as mydaily workout:
Now you know why I drink more Gatorade than Peyton Manning. I let my gym membership expire because I don't even need to leave the house to work up a good sweat. Of course, all three of my pets are still fairly young, so I’m guessing/hoping this insane energy level won’t last too much longer.
But that’s OK. I know that the quiet companionship I will eventually get from my peaceful cats and my dog will be good for my health, too. Yep, pretty soon all of us will just spend our days cuddled together on the couch, watching HGTV and chewing on toys.
I’m sure the amazing Martin would never do that with Nancy.
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