Who Would Your Pet Be If He Was in High School?
by Laura Cross
Published on December 10, 2013
While many of us would never want to go back to the angst- and gossip-filled halls of high school, for some people those four years were a magical time where everyone loved you, wanted to be you and you won superlatives like "best smile," "friendliest," and "most likely to succeed."
In any case, in honor of adolescents heading back to land of tardy bells, Driver’s Ed and SATs, we found a few cats and dogs dressed up like students from different high school cliques. From the cheerleader to the nerd, here’s what we imagine high school would be like if our four-legged friends roamed the halls.
Poindexter can’t wait to raise his paw during AP Calculus this semester (after all, Mathlete summer camp was a blast), but worries that Bruno the class bully will fill his litterbox up with dog food again — not a funny prank!
Bruno is on the varsity fetch team, competes in indoor agility in the winter, and does dock diving in the spring. Yeah, he’s a tri-pawthlete. He’s dating Maggie since she’s head cheerleader and all, but she’s always yapping at him to get his grades up so they can go to Obedience College together.
Maggie finally mastered doing three back handsprings in a row over the summer — her tumbling skills, along with her unmatched school spirit are why Coach nominated her to be cheer captain this season. Her VIP position on the team and the fact that she’s dating the most popular guy in school means she’s a total shoe-in for Homecoming Queen.
No, Willow doesn’t want to get a haircut; she can see just fine. No, those are not mere stripes on her paws; they are tattooed song lyrics. And no, she doesn't want to talk to you. Ever.
Bella has her daddy’s Amex and knows how to use it — her wardrobe only consists of jeweled collars, luxury shoes and designer dresses. If you don't own a strand of pearls, you can’t be her friend.
Rocky's band is playing at the school pep rally before the first home game, which sounds like something only posers would do, but actually he's just being authentic because by doing something no other punk rocker would do he's being a real punk, right? He's also hoping Willow will notice him and come to one of his shows.
After summering in Martha’s Vineyard, Bentley can’t imagine spending the rest of the school year leashed to a desk. That’s why he’s taking up tennis at the country club and might form a trust-fund management society. His long line of Bichon Frise relatives (which trace back to the Mayflower, of course) would be proud.
Max’s parents go out of town most weekends so he usually has Maggie, Bella, Bruno and a few choice peers over on Friday nights. Max knows where his mom and dad hide their stash of catnip so some of his gatherings can get pretty out of control.
Who needs school when you’ve got rails to grind and sidewalks to Ollie? When Buddy and Jack aren’t evading the town truancy officer you can find them practicing Inverted Egg Plants and Old-School Kickflips at the local skate park.